About this Site

What’s the purpose of this site?

 

In simple, general terms, this is a fan made site to show appreciation and pay respects to the amazing women of Dreamcatcher, and give their fans a place to talk and share with each other.

 

The bit more complete answer is a little more complicated and has a bit of story behind it…

 

The idea first came up while talking with a bunch of other fans on Dreamcatcher’s V-Live channel.  Most of us had just finished watching one of their live broadcasts and we were talking about it (and by “talking about it” I mean the way V-Live allows for conversations is by making posts, and than users can respond to said posts)  Trying to have conversations with more that just a couple of people and a few responses led to us talking about how awkward V-Live can be for that.  You don’t get notified when someone responds to your post, so you just have to keep checking back on all the conversations you are a part of to see if anyone replied, and if there are enough new posts being made, this becomes more awkward as you have to scroll through pages of comments to find the ones you want.

 

We talked about how great it would be if it was easier to meet and talk about things, which led to discussions about using various chat apps to see if those would work.  In a way they do, we could all talk to each other, and from both PC’s and portables/mobiles. The downside was that the really good ones cost money, or were limited by what you could do or how many people could use it, while others were magnets for spam and ad bots, or people just looking to start fights and arguments.  We were pretty much just resigned to using what V-Live had to offer, and make it work for the best.

 

I’m not sure what prompted me to mention it in the discussion, maybe someone mentioned one of the other fan sites out there they had visited, but I mentioned about maybe setting up something like a group chat or forum, since I had website space on my host available.  Next thing I know, there were several people asking about it, and the more I thought about it the better it sounded.  So there you go, reason number one for this site…because a few fans asked for one.

 

The second reason is related to the first, but on a broader scale, that being for Fans.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are some amazing and great fan-sites for Dreamcatcher out there already, and this site is in no way meant to compete with them.  There are sites that bring us news and updates and events regarding the girls (7-Dreamers being a great example), and sites that are dedicated to showing appreciation for the group (again a great idea, and something these girls need more of, the site Lullaby is an awesome example).

 

So as I started planning out how to put things together for everybody, it hit me…that’s what the primary focus of this site would be.  While of course our overall focus would still be showing love and appreciation for Dreamcatcher, the site itself would be dedicated to their fans, to all inSomnias.  A site that would be geared around the fans making of it what they wanted and how they wanted.  giving them a place to meet and get to know each other, talk and share, and encompassing it all would be our love of Dreamcatcher, that being what brought us all together in the first place.  So even if dedicated to the fans, it is still about the group as they are the common bond that we all share (that being one of the great things about them, how they are able to bring people from all over together and how they are able to be relate-able to everyone in some way).

 

So while there are some great sites that provide all these great services and sources of information for us, I wanted to have a site were the fans provide for each other, whether it be information (because we all know that we can’t get enough of that about these ladies), or inspiration (for all the artists, writers and performers among us) or for the comfort that comes from support and companionship (we all have those down times along with the up, and I love that these girls have managed to foster an environment that encourages people to not just be themselves, but to love and care about each other for being themselves, regardless of what that may be).

So there you have reason number two: A site all about Dreamcatcher, but dedicated to their amazing fans, and to give them a place to just be themselves.

 

 

That brings us to reason three.  If your reading this this means I left this part in rather than deleting it (as I am sure I will be tempted to do several times while writing it).  reason number three is a personal one, the reason why regardless if anything comes of this site or not, I knew I had to finish it, and whether anyone uses it or not I will keep the site up and visible. So here goes…the third reason is simple, yet not: These girls, their music, and just who they are, saved my life.

 

    This next part you don’t have to read, and for those that find the topic of depression and it’s related thoughts and feelings disturbing or unsettling, I would suggest you just skip this next part (while it is a personal experience, it does get a little dark before it gets brighter) Clicking the following button will expand out that part of the story, or you can just keep going past it.

 

( Suffice to say that these girls have earned a very special place in my heart and for what they have given me I will be forever grateful and in their debt.)

 

(It’s a good thing this isn’t a video, so you don’t have to sit through the 30 minutes I’ve been sitting here staring at the screen trying to figure out how to write this)

 

This is the first time I have told, well, anyone any of this, so please bear with me if I wander a bit or get distracted.

 

Everything started, and for awhile seemed to have ended, for me about a couple of years ago.  I had been experiencing some medical issues that had finally gotten to the point of seeking some more serious attention and testing to find out what was up.  After months of testing, my doctor sat me down and gave me what is perhaps some of the worst news that anyone can get. (trying to keep things simple so as to not make this turn into a novel worth of reading)  He told me my problems were being caused by a Degenerative Neurological Disorder (basically by brain was messed up), it was genetic (meaning passed down and no cure), and lastly, it was terminal (meaning, well, we all know what that means).  In a moment I had gone from thinking I had a lot of time ahead of me, 40, 50, 60 years…to being told I had at most 10, and that was if I was lucky and the universe was feeling generous. and then he tells me it’s worse (because isn’t that the way things always go?) when the time finally comes, it will most likely not be quick, nor will it be painless, and certainly not dignified…so yeah…not the best day of my life right then.

 

The next few weeks all kind of blend together when remembering them, but what I can say is that it was the start of a very fast and dark downward spiral for me.  Each day found me less and less motivated and convinced that there were less things to look forward to each day, to the point where my first thoughts after waking up, were of going back to sleep, because at least then i didn’t feel anything or think of things. And of course most people around me were concerned and tried to do what they could to help, and while looking back I appreciate the concern and effort, it also made me see a misconception that a lot of people have about depression, that showing or telling the person how things aren’t so bad, or how they can get better (a generalization, i know, but again, getting into all the specifics would take forever) will suddenly snap them out of it. Most people don’t understand that most people with depression are fully aware of it, they don’t want to feel that way, they try everything to not feel that way, but something always seems to fight them or stop them from doing so.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is just be there. Don’t try and “fix” things, don’t even need to understand what it’s like, just knowing they are not alone, can sometimes be the best help.  Got side tracked a little, but it was kind of relevant as you’ll see…

 

I won’t go into what my day to day routine had become, not much to describe anyway, I’ll just go straight to the next important event, which unfortunately is something that happens to too many people that deal with depression, I finally hit the bottom of the dark hole I had found myself in.  I thought that perhaps if I knew more about what would happen near the end as time went on, maybe it would provide some kind of closure, or help me accept and move on…obviously I was wrong. The details of what I learned are unpleasant and won’t be described here, but in that moment I knew that that wasn’t how I wanted to be remembered, and that certainly wasn’t how I wanted to go out,  being hooked up to machines in a cold hospital room.  I decided then and there that if it was going to happen, it would happen on my terms, and in my chosen way (never said I was thinking straight or even sanely at this point), and so I started making plans for how I wanted to do it, when and where.

 

On the outside, I suppose it looked to everyone that I was getting better, or was at least “not so sad” anymore, which I suppose was true in a way, misguided as it was, I finally felt like things were in my control again.  So I made my plans and was just waiting for the right time.  I suppose to anyone not familiar with depression, a lot of the ways and things I thought about at the time probably don’t make a lot of sense, and in truth sometimes they really didn’t…but they made sense to me at the time.  In my mind I really was trying to minimize the stress and effect it would have on those around me.

 

It was around this time that I had heard that Happy Face was pulling MINX.  Now I wasn’t a huge fan of them, but I had heard and liked the songs, and I knew what they looked like and their names, I was a fan, just not a super fan or anything.  For some reason though, it bothered me a bit, hearing that. I may not have been a super fan, but I liked what I had heard and knew that they had a lot of talent, and I thought it just sucked that they were getting pulled so soon in their careers.  Granted I didn’t hear about the re-debuting until a bit later, and when I did, and read that they were adding a couple of members and going with a new different concept, I actually was surprised with myself…I wasn’t just interested in the news, I was also glad to see them getting another chance.  I figured since all my plans and arrangements had been made and could be put into action at any time, I would wait a bit and see how things had turned out for them.  When I heard the song, and saw the video, I was glad again, they had not only gone a vastly different route than what was the norm or standard at the time, but did it amazingly well. Don’t get me wrong, as glad as I was, it was still mostly a surface emotion, my mind was still fully set on other things which, I told myself, allowed me to spare some to be happy at least those girls were getting their second chance.  It’s what happened after that, though, that I think was the important turning point for me.

 

I don’t remember what I was watching specifically, I think I was just sitting and zoning out with a YouTube video or playlist open (I did this a lot actually, I found if I made it look like was in the middle of doing something, people left me alone). I had it set to auto-play, and the next random video to come up was one of those clip collection types, we’ve all seen them out there, and this one was just random Dreamcatcher stuff, looked like most of it was behind the scene stage and MV clips, with some looking like they may have been filmed in the dorms or the offices. Anyway, I was kind of half paying attention when the one clip that ended up, in my opinion, being the start of my eventual comeback, came up. It’s also the reason why, although I love all the girls immensely, Yoohyeon will always have a special extra place in my heart.
The clip that came up, I can’t remember all the details now, showed Yoohyeon bouncing around, like she trying to get someones attention, and when she finally did, she started going on about something excitedly. I don’t recall if it was a joke, or story or something she was trying to tell, but what I do remember vividly, it that whatever it was, it didn’t work the way it was supposed to. Maybe it was a joke that went wrong, or just wasn’t funny to anyone else, I don’t know, but it was the look on her face afterward that had captured my full attention…she was pouting.

 

Nowadays I will be the first to exclaim how beautifully adorable she is when she pouts, but at the time, that was the farthest thing from my mind.  What I did do was watch that part of the clip over several times. Seeing that expression on her face had made me think of something, and I had to know for sure…I needed to know if it was real or just an act, for the camera, or the fans or whoever else was there.  Don’t ask why this was suddenly so important, I can’t honestly say for sure, all I know is that in the state of mind I was in at the time, it seemed like something very important.

 

After watching it several times I came to realize it was real, the way she acted before, all excited and such, to when she pouted, and even when one of the members came over afterward and hugged her, at no time did she even act like she knew the camera was there. With the pout, there wasn’t anyone immediately around her either.  I can’t properly explain it, it just hit me as a very powerful image.  She just looked so small and vulnerable in that moment.  I knew that a lot of artists over there did broadcasts for fans and such, I preferred those over the overly fake and scripted “reality” shows we have here in the states, but I knew as well, that a lot of those broadcasts, while real, were also generally done for fans or shows or interviews, so had a different feel to them. They knew the camera was there and conscious or not, actions are affected by that. That’s what made this different..I don’t think at that moment she knew, and what i was seeing was the real person.  When the other member came over, I wasn’t seeing two girls being cute for the camera, I was witnessing one friend comforting another.

 

I just paused it there on that image of the two of them sitting together, and I guess I just zoned out, or went blank or something (to be honest I’m not really sure).  What I do know is that was the turning point for me, and for the first time since being told I was dying, I cried.

 

It wasn’t just because of the video, or because of my own situation, I think it was just that part of me that had been keeping it all in, the sadness, the anger, confusion, all of it had just reached a final tipping point.  Looking back, I am positive at that point, there were really only two ways to go, the inevitable conclusion to the drastic, dark path I had been going down, or with what ended up happening, everything coming out in a long jumbled mess.  I’m not sure how long it went on for, at least half the day or more, but I do remember sleeping for the rest of the day just being so exhausted.

 

When I woke back up, the first thing I did was go and re-watch the video, and then I went to Happy Face’s YouTube page and saw that there were a ton of videos there, most of them being the behind the scene stuff, the Dreamcatcher Notes, and all their interviews and special clips, etc. I was amazed at with how new they were how many of the videos there were.  I just sorted oldest to newest and started watching.  I didn’t rush through, just sat and what would have surprised me if I had noticed, but found myself enjoying them.

I liked the MV’s and the songs and concert footage, but found myself really focusing on the other videos, where the girls were just doing random things, or the videos they made for fans.  Again, I was just struck by how real the girls were, a lot of time they were just doing everyday kinds of things, or goofing around with each other, and like with the other video, in most of them they weren’t playing up to cameras, or trying to be entertaining, they were just doing what they would have been doing anyway. Even in the videos where they did act up for the cameras, or do whatever they were doing just for the camera, because of all the other stuff, it came off as more fun and natural, just what you would expect a bunch of close friends to do when someone pulls a camera out.  While I loved all of these, I think my favorite at the time were any video where either individually or small groups or all together, they would film for the fans, doing talks, discussions, or just hanging out. (The Dreamcatcher’s Notes are a great example of this)

 

    What I loved about the way Dreamcatcher did these videos was the feeling you got watching them.  Yes, the girls are all very pretty, and very eager to smile, laugh and be silly, and that is something I love about them, but what I noticed at the time, was the way they talked.  They didn’t talk at fans through the camera, instead they just talked to us, like we were sitting there with them.  Yes, I include myself in the fan base at that time, although I didn’t really know it I was a lifelong fan by that point. I saw that a lot of the videos from originally from V-Live before being posted to their channel, so I went and got the app and watched some of the older ones that weren’t on YouTube yet.  And of course along the way, found myself loving these girls more and more, and with how active they were on V-Live, found myself looking forward to getting to see them, like you do with friends you care about.  I remember the first one that I was able to catch live ( so difficult to do that living in the US, when they go live it’s normally about 4am here).  It was exciting and entertaining, and I loved how excited the girls were to see so many people who showed up to see them.  I saw a lot of people asking questions, or asking the girls to do or say something, which I get is really difficult and you can’t do everything, some may not be appropriate or possible in the video, or everything just scrolls by so fast for them to see it all.  I do remember, a midst all the requests for saying someones name, or doing cute actions, and things like that, That I wanted to add something myself.  Instead of a request, I just sent a big smiley face and heart and wrote that I was waving.  After a few seconds Yoohyeon gave this small smile and little wave to the camera.  While I know it is not very likely this was a direct response to my message, it makes me happy to think it was.

 

I think that was the first time that I was really aware of how happy i felt watching them. I had no idea what they were saying, but for the most part, you didn’t have to to get the general idea, they are all so animated when they talk, and their facial and vocal expressions are so open and honest, they’re very easy to read.  I was also fascinated with how different they were off stage from on stage. Ones who came across as very cool and tough would up being silly and shy, or being mysterious and sensual one moment, then giggling and playing with each other the next. I also loved, and still do of course, how they start every video with saying hi to fans (now saying hello to inSomnias) before introducing themselves or the video.  Just one of the little things they do to show how much we mean to them.  Even going so far as to use Happy Face’s social media accounts to just post random spur of the moment pics of them doing whatever they were at the time, just to say hi, and let us know they were thinking about us.  Just all these little things to show that we were more than just ticket and album sales or concert seats, and they are always so open and honest with us in the videos.

 

The other great thing I discovered about the V-Live channel was the fan section.  It’s not just that everyone there was just so nice, and welcoming, but that they were actively talking with each other, having real conversations about things rather than just a lot of one word reply or emoji responses. Everyone was just kind and pleasant, and supportive.  They are like this to everyone, whether they were a fan or not, it was just really nice to see.  I wasn’t too shocked though, to see that the fans were like that, after all the girls had provided a great example in themselves.  throughout all their videos you seem being friendly and kind, not just too each other, but to everyone around them, even with other artists.  Watching them just hangout or goof around with members of other groups, even during events where they are competing is amazing, and just simple little gestures like lending a hand to someone, or like in one video where you see a member pick up a gift a fan had for another groups member and deliver it for them.  They are just nice and polite to everyone and it encourages their fans to be same.

 

OK, so I will wrap up this rather long section before it gets to be a novel.  So there you have the third reason for the site: These girls changed my life for the better, and I can honestly say i wouldn’t be here today if not for them.  Which leads to what may be a fourth reason that kind of encompasses everything else.  That being to say thank you, for them being who they are, for creating what they have, and for everything they’ve given me.  Given my condition, it’s pretty fair to say I am likely to never get to see them in person, and oddly, I can be OK with that.  What I would miss most about doing so would be the ability to tell them thank you in person.  That’s a main reason for this site, and why regardless of whether I am around or not, this site will always be here.  Maybe one day the girls, or someone from the company will see this, and it will serve as my thank you, and to let them know that they are making a difference and changing peoples lives for the better, just by being themselves. And of course, to tell them to always remember that we love them and are thinking of them and holding them in our hearts.

 

 

(and if i was to be a little selfish I would say I would really love to see Yoohyeon’s dimple in person…you know, if I was being selfish. lol)